eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
