I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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