Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
