Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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