I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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