Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
