so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
