Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need a beard to bite.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
