My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
