i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
