Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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