the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
