wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
