this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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