walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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