i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
