I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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