Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
