My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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