and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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