Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
