the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
