1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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