if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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