captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
