oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a search helicopter?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
