apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
