thus making me awesome and them whores
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
