just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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