Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
