Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
