Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
