Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
