You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
