his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
