You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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