How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
