I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
