Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
