On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Never joke about your clitoris.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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