the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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