She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
