i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
