Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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