Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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