@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
