You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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