Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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