I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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