im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
